I know from personal experience that it’s much easier to complain and whine than it is to talk to leaders about concerns and problems. I can complain and whine with the best of sinners. And when it comes to church leadership, it’s often easier to avoid confrontation than to have open and honest conversation with those over you in the Lord (1 Thess. 5:12-13).
Sadly, it’s easier to sin than it is to do what’s right. We need Psalm 112:1 which says, “Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments.” You will be blessed by joyfully doing what God commands.
Hebrews 13:17 is a command directly from God. If we obey it, we will be blessed. God says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” Why would you and I obey and submit to our elders? Because God has tasked them with the great responsibility of keeping watch over our souls. And God is calling you and me to obey and submit in a way that leads not to their groaning but to their joy. God calls you and me to strive to make our elders’ ministry a pleasure, a delight, a gratifying responsibility. God commands that we love Him by loving those He places over us in the church, and our Lord wants us to obey and submit in a way that excites joy in our elders who love us.
But notice how v. 17 concludes. It tells the members of the church, “for that would be of no advantage to you.” To respond to your elders’ ministry in a way that makes them groan is working against you. You lose when you make it difficult for your elders; you gain no advantage. In other words, it is to your advantage to honor God by obeying and submitting to your elders in a way that blesses them. It’s simple. Do this and you will be blessed. Ignore this and you will not be blessed.
Similarly, 1 Thessalonians 5:12–13 says, “We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.” In love, we are to esteem our elders because of their shepherding labor. When they lead, teach, admonish, correct, and encourage, we are to esteem them because they do and consider their ministry to us a loving gift from God.
So, what do you do when you disagree with your elders? Here are six encouragements that I think will help you obey God.
- Pray. Pray that truth and love will reign. Pray that God would lead His church in the direction that best glorifies Him.
- Ensure you understand their position or course of action and can fairly summarize it. Make sure you understand why your elders believe what they believe and do what they do. Ask them questions until you understand. Make sure you can fairly summarize their position to their satisfaction.
- Ensure you have carefully studied Scripture and can adequately present your disagreements from Scripture. It is unwise to disagree with your elders without having a Biblical reason to do so. Make sure that you have clear, Biblical support for your disagreements. Be ready to communicate your Biblical rationale to them. If you can’t give Biblical reasons for your concern or dissent, it’s likely something other than Scripture is guiding your thoughts and opinions.
- Don’t bad-mouth your elders to others inside or outside the church. Gossip is satanic. Grumbling is satanic. A censorious spirit is satanic. Consider Romans 16:17-18, 1 Corinthians 1:1-17, and Jude 17-19. Bad-mouthing your elders only exposes the sin in your heart and makes you look bad.
- Talk with them as soon as possible. If you have a concern, question, or disagreement, respectfully and loving voice it to your elders who love you and want to know what’s on your heart. Your concern or disagreement might be exactly what they need to hear. Swiftly going to your elders promotes knowledge, trust, dialogue, learning, repentance, and faith.
- Continue to faithfully attend your church. The way to handle concerns about church is not to stop going. Sin is never the appropriate response. One of the reasons you should go to your elders quickly is so that there is no disunity, division, or disruption to corporate worship and church life. Never allow your opinions, disagreements, or offenses to keep you from God’s means of grace. Remember, to pull away from your church is to pull away from your brothers and sisters in Christ who love you.
The reality is you and your elders will not always agree, but this much is certain. If you love one another deeply, you’ll all seek to understand one another and strive to pursue the truth together, in love, for the glory of Christ.
Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one-half of any book of the ESV Bible.
