I want to continue the series on joy killers. Joy killers are things we think or do that kill or diminish our joy. Joy is not dependent on things that happen to us, so we’re focusing on things we think and do which threaten our joyfulness.
Imagine a swimmer competing in the Olympics wearing an Army combat uniform and rucksack. He’s too weighed down to win. He might drown. Similarly, joy killers weigh us down. They threaten, hinder, and take from us. We want to be joyful, to live happy and fulfilling lives, and if that’s going to happen, we need to learn how to overcome joy killers so that we can “Rejoice in the Lord always” as Paul said (Phil. 4:4).
Friends, one of the biggest struggles of my life, probably one of my top three struggles, is people-pleasing or what the Bible calls the fear of man. I’ve struggled since childhood.
I sometimes fear man more than I fear God, and it kills my joy. See, I want people to accept and love me, to approve of me as if my well-being depended on their opinions of me. I’m a very relational person, so how people perceive and respond to me is really important to me. Honestly, it’s too important. If someone is upset with me or disapproves of me, I can very quickly become downcast and relationally distant, and sometimes angry and cynical. This besetting sin of mine has been very difficult to overcome.
The fear of man has only ever diminished my joy and caused me to focus more on myself than on God’s mercy, grace, love, and the well-being of those around me. I think people-pleasing, or the fear of man has many times caused me to retreat from people, to back away into insecurity and self-pity, and as I’m retreating from others, I’m not pursuing true love.
The Apostle Paul gave us an apropos challenge. He said in Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Think about the word “trying.” It’s the Greek word zēteō which refers to wanting something enough to seek after it. In other words, you want it, so you go after it. Paul asks of himself, “am I trying to please man?” Did Paul want the approval of man so much that he lived to obtain it?
Paul was a minister of the gospel, a preacher, a church planter, and a pastor. Was his life’s ambition to win the favor of man? Was his gospel ministry about satisfying man, accommodating man, or appeasing man? No. His calling was nobler. Paul devoted his entire life to pleasing his Lord. He no longer lived to please man; by faith, Paul lived to be a good slave or servant of Christ. He knew who he was in Christ and the mission Christ gave him. That is where his joy was found.
By the Spirit’s grace and power, Paul devoted himself to please God over and above man because he believed the gospel and feared God. I think the approval of man was of little consequence to Paul after his conversion because he was secure in God’s grace and love and was focused on faithfulness to Christ. Paul knew that the beginning of true love for God and others was true faith in Christ and a joyful submission to God’s will. Isn’t that why Paul risked so much, even his own life, and suffered so much to proclaim the gospel throughout the world? What else compels a person to suffer strong persecution for Christ if not the fear and love of God?
The Bible says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” and “wisdom,” “The fear of the Lord prolongs life,” and that “In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence” (Prov. 1:7; 9:10; 10:27; 14:26). The Bible even says, “The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life” and that “The fear of the Lord leads to life” (Prov. 14:27; 19:23). At the same time, God’s Word forbids the fear of man. In Luke 12, Jesus said, “do not fear those who kill the body.” Instead, Jesus advocated fearing the Lord. Proverbs 29:25 is right, “The fear of man lays a snare.”
The fear of God destroys the desire to live for the approval of others and makes believers gentle, kind, patient, loving, godly, and bold for the gospel. The fear of God puts an uncompromising spirit in the heart, a spirit that refuses to compromise the truth and godliness just to please people who don’t love the truth and don’t want to obey God’s commands. The fear of God anchors the heart firmly to God’s Word, and by the Spirit’s power, believers don’t self-destruct in the face of adversity and persecution because they know they belong to the Lord, and their life’s ambition is to please their Lord. Paul died for Christ, and it was the fear of God, not the fear of man, that put joy in his heart as he did.
Paul gave us a sort of either/or scenario. Listen again to what Paul said: “If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a [slave] of Christ.” Think about that helpful statement. If you are trying to win the approval of man—and I’m not talking about trying to love others, I’m talking about people-pleasing—if you’re living to please man, there’s something you’re not doing. You’re not being a slave or servant of Christ. In other words, it’s impossible to devote yourself to pleasing man and pleasing God. You simply can’t do both. God has redeemed us, so our loyalties belong to Him alone.
People-pleasing is a route headed away from God, and if you’re on it, you’re moving away from God. You can strive to love man while living to please God, but you can’t pursue the approval of man and be a good slave of Christ. It is not a joyful existence to live your life to win favor from man. It is a joyful existence to have your heavenly Father’s favor in Christ and to live to love, serve, and please Him.
Your heavenly Father extends you lavish grace in Christ so that you zealously obey the First Commandment (and the other nine). What does your heavenly Father require of you in the First Commandment? A lot of marvelous things. But consider two things mentioned in Heidelberg 94. One, God requires you to “trust in Him alone.” You must trust in God alone, not in the thoughts, opinions, preferences, and approval of others. Two, you must “fear and honor [God] with all your heart.” You must fear God and not man. Your loyalty must be with God’s word and not the perspectives of man.
Heidelberg 96 ends with, “In short, that I forsake all creatures rather than do the least thing against His will.” Did you catch that? The first and greatest commandment requires that you “forsake all creatures” including the opinions and approval of others “rather than do the least thing against [God’s] will.” That’s worth pondering.
If obeying God leads to people not liking you, gossiping about you, rejecting you, persecuting you, or even killing you, only the fear of God can compel you to “forsake all creatures rather than do the least thing against [God’s] will.” Otherwise, you’ll cave into social pressure to be well-liked and well-received, and you will displease the Lord as you act contrary to what will give you lasting joy.
Finally, consider how Heidelberg 90 relates to this topic. The Holy Spirit is more and more bringing your new nature to life. Your old nature is dying more and more, and your new nature is coming to life more and more. Heidelberg 90 asks, “What is the coming to life of the new nature?” It answers, “It is a heartfelt joy in God through Christ and a love and delight to live according to the will of God in all good works.”
Friends, you will have joy when you fear God alone and delight in Him. You will have true joy when you “delight to live according to the will of God in all good works.” True joy is not found in being well-received; it is found in fearing God, delighting in God, and striving to obey God’s commandments. True joy is found in knowing you belong to God, body and soul, and that God accepts, loves, and adores you because of Christ, and having this indestructible joy, compels you to truly love people instead of using them to validate your self-worth.
Quotes from the Heidelberg Catechism are taken from Zacharias Ursinus & Jonathan Shirk, The Heidelberg Catechism (Manheim: Small Town Theologian, 2021).
Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one-half of any book of the ESV Bible.
